Dangerous Nightmares
by shyXshortieXbabe
Summary: Everyone thought Ponyboy's nightmares weren't dangerous-only an overactive imagination. But now his vicious dreams are back and his parent's death is haunting him. Pony's beaten alot...but when it comes down to the line can he beat himself?!
1. Beginings

Every night I had the same dream. The one that left me crying out in my sleep, sweating and and scared.  
  
The nightmares never let me alone, even when Soda was with me. In time Darry and Soda couldn't pretend the vicious dreams would just go away.  
  
One night when I awoke screaming, Darry and Sodapop were with me. I was surprised to find my face wet with tears.  
  
"Ponyboy? Your aiite?" Darry shook my shoulder gently. The truth was, I felt awful. Like I hadn't gotten any sleep in weeks. but you just don't tell Darry that. When I tried to stop crying and be calm, my throat was raw from screaming.  
  
"I'm okay." I told Darry but my brothers didn't have to look hard to see I wasn't really.  
  
Soda held me against his side, I'm 15 now but I still appreciated the comfort. The bad of fear wouldn't leave me.  
  
Darry handed me a glass of water but I was shaking so hard that I couldn't drink it.  
  
"That's it, tomorrow you're going to the doctor." Darry finalized. He was 22 and he looked worried, like an old man.  
  
"Try and sleep, Pony. We're you're safe." Soda coaxed, rubbing his eyes.  
  
I felt bad for keeping them up almost every night. I lay down and closed my eyes, but I didn't sleep. Quietly I listened to Soda's light breathing and soft snoring.  
  
Autumn's (Dr. Brawning) POV  
  
Dr. Rowlands had phoned in the morning to tell me a boy by the name of Curtis was having some problems. He wanted me to check up on the kid. But I hadn't expected so much.trouble.  
  
A young man, about my age walked in. I'm young for my profession but I'd been put up a few grades in school so I was used to hard work. And from the moment I heard about the Curtis, I knew I had my work cut out for me.?  
  
"Is Dr. Brawning here?" The man asked me.  
  
"Yes, this is she. Can I help you, sir?" I replied not unkindly.  
  
The man's jaw dropped. Now I knoew I look young, with coils of dark brown hair and hazel green eyes, but he looked like he'd seen a ghost.  
  
"I'm Darryl Curtis, Ponyboy Curtis's' brother." He said running a hand through his dark hair. He was handsome and strong looking with cool blue eyes and muscular arms.  
  
"Hello Darlin.I mean Darryl! That's what I mean.-I blushed- Please have a seat." I said uncomfortably. He looked tired and care worn, and I almost asked him why.but that was none of my business.  
  
Now, I'm not the normal kind of doctor. I deal with problems of the mind like a psychologist.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you about my brother before he comes to talk with you later today." Darryl breather out heavily, "he may not want to talk with you."  
  
"Not many people do. Believe it or not." I said.  
  
"My brother..he's real special kind of kid, you know?" Darry asked his eyes seeing something that I couldn't. I nodded understandingly.  
  
"Pony.he's been through a lot as a kid."  
  
I looked him in the eyes curiously, inviting him to go on.  
  
"A couple years ago we lost our parents in an auto wreck.and then one year back a couple of out close friends died." He said sadly, the professional look on his face had no effect on his voice. Emotion flooded his voice. "It hurt all of us real bad. No sleep for nights on end.and for a while I thought Ponyboy was better." He paused thoughtfully, "but now with these constant nightmares..I think Pony was hurt worst of all"  
  
I studied Darry's face which was laced with worries and cares beyond his years..he could take it though. His body was strong and young, I knew he would be alright. It was just this Ponyboy that I needed to worry about, now.  
  
"I'll do my best to help you brother. I know it can't be easy bring yourself..and him here." I caught the look of gratitude in his gaze and smiled back. He had real nice eyes.  
  
"Thank you for your time, Dr. Brawning." Darryl said, shaking my hand.  
  
"Call me Autumn." I corrected, "it was nice meeting you."  
  
"Same here." Darry said then strode purposefully out of the office.  
  
//cya handsome// I nicknamed Darryl in my mind.  
  
Quickly I began to get ready for Ponyboy Curtis. 


	2. Many Meetings

When Dr. Rowlands told me in the morning that he wanted me to go to a specialist, I freaked. First, all I had was an overactive imagination and now...now I needed to go to a shrink. I thought Doc Rowlands was taking to many happy pills lately. What the heck did he mean by, 'Dr. Brawning will be able to counsel you.'?! This was rich.  
  
Shows you how reliable doctors are these days. (at least in my district!)  
  
"No way. I won't go." I told Darry, shaking my head.  
  
"She's a nice girl." Darry said from over the wheel of the car. We were driving to the psychologist, Dr. Brawning.  
  
I slumped in my chair, "You just wanna go coz Dr. Brawning is young and pretty." It was a pretty shallow thing to say. but at some level I believed it.  
  
"Don't you get fresh with me, little buddy." He warned me with his eyes on the traffic, "how do you know her 'sides?"  
  
"Dr. Autumn Brawning." I explained in a fake news reporter voice, "She was on T.V. for being youngest shrink and all. She's pretty."  
  
"You speak civil to her, ok?" Darry said parking the car and pushing me forcefully into the clinic.  
  
"You'd think I was 5 years old." I grumbled and stuffed my hands into my pockets.  
  
"Don't act like you are and I'll consider treating you like a teenager" Darry shot back, "Talk to her. Get better. Then come back and maybe I'll give you a lollipop." My brother's teasing was merciless and he smiled toothily at me.  
  
I punched his shoulder affectionately, "You staying?"  
  
Darry sat down in the waiting room and flipped out his newspaper in response, "I'll be right here if you need me, Pony."  
  
I took a deep breath. One thing I didn't want to do was tell Darry that I *was * scared. What if Dr. Brawning couldn't stop the nightmares..or maybe there was something seriously wrong with me. Attack of the what if's .what if.. what if..i told her everything..everything in the whole of my heart and she couldn't help me. What if I trusted her? What then?  
  
When a secretary told me that Dr. Brawning was ready for me; I walked across the blue-carpeted floor into Dr. Brawning's sunny office. She looked like she had on T.V., brown hair and a welcoming smile. I didn't smile back. I almost felt ashamed of my greasy hair and black muscle shirt that I wore. But usually I'm proud of how tough I look and It wasn't like I could change or anything.  
  
If she noticed my appearance, her smile didn't falter. But I knew.I noticed- compared Dr. Brawning's shiny clean office I was just grease.  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
"Hello Ponyboy Curtis. Sit down if you will." I smiled warmly at him, "I'm Dr. Brawning."  
  
The Curtis kid looked worse for wear. He slouched on the couch beside my desk and he had dark bags underneath is beautiful gray eyes. "hi" he said untrustingly.  
  
"Heard you've been havin' some nightmares lately." I said sitting down next to him. I'm not one who'll sugarcoat things, I like to jump straight to the problem.  
  
"Kinda." Ponyboy said, his eyes widened with remembrance. And he visibly steeled himself against the thoughts.  
  
"Doc Rowlands told me you've had em' afore. But they went away." I said writing notes on my notepad.  
  
"For a little while, yah."  
  
Jeez, this was like pulling teeth. I'm a psychologist not a dentist.  
  
"So what do you dream about?" I asked, getting sort of impatient.  
  
"Don't know. Can't remember." Ponyboy said quietly. He was holding something back. He was lying to me.  
  
"I'm a doctor, Pony. You can trust me, whatever it is that's hurting you- I'm here to help." I reassured.  
  
"You're not helping me! You're analyzing me. Everything I say and do- everything I don't." The boy looked pointedly at my notepad that I had written in, "I do not wanna be flipped inside out and poked at. I just want to sleep." Ponyboy burst out.  
  
"kid, I'm just trying to do my job." I flung back, my temper rising. In school the prinicipal had stopped short of expelling me by a hair's length. Not because my grades were bad, but because my temper was quick to rise and blind me with it's passion.  
  
"That's all I am to you: a job. You don't care about me one tick. So I think you should just-"  
  
"You're wrong there Ponyboy Curtis." I said as he stalked out of the room. Then to no one in particular I whispered, "I already care about you more than I'd like to admit." 


	3. danger and healing?

Pony's POV  
  
"That was quick." Darry back up, "What happened?"  
  
I brushed by my brother. He grabbed me roughly by the shoulder, "Ponyboy. I want you to get better." His hand was squeezing my shoulder too tightly. I shook him off and sat down in the car.  
  
That night I woke up when someone was shaking me. The taste of blood filled my mouth, and Soda and Darry were with me again.  
  
"I called her." Darry said to Soda. I didn't really pay attention to what he was saying. My oldest brother looked worried and scared. My hand was bloody where I had been tearing at it with my teeth. Something was wrong with me. Pain racked my arm and I nearly choked on the blood in my mouth.  
  
The coldness of the house was disquieting. The heater didn't go on until 6am-it was only 3am.  
  
"You were crying out for mom and dad." Soda whispered. His eyes were large and full. A sort of sick look was apparent on his features.  
  
Darry looked p from bandaging my hand, "You need to get better, Pony. This can't go on."  
  
I kept my mind carefully blank, "Ok." I said, "okay."  
  
The doorbell rang, echoing through the house.  
  
Soda ruffled my hair and went to answer it. Seconds later he entered with Doctor Brawning. She was wearing sweats and a football jersey. Still beautiful as heaven. Darry, I guess thought so too because he whispered with her for a minute then he and Soda left Dr. B and me together.  
  
I sat and leaned against the wall.  
  
"Hey Pony." She greeted, her green eyes foggy with sleep.  
  
"Hi." I replied, "Sorry."  
  
"What?" Dr. B asked me, "Sorry? For what?"  
  
"I made you get up. I'm making your life miserable."  
  
"Ponyboy, my life is already miserable. I wouldn't get too ahead of myself on that fact."  
  
I didn't ask her what she meant. "I didn't come to help you because of my job. I came because I want to help you."  
  
"I know." I sighed shakily, "But it's so hard to talk. You dig? My dreams." Against my will my voice cracked.  
  
Dr. Brawning sat down beside me, "What do you dream about?"  
  
"My parent. I used to not remember but..now.I know it's them that I dream about every night. Every night they de and it is always my own damn fault. Just like before." I was babbling brokenly, looking down. The reluctance to tell Dr. B everything was almost over powering.  
  
I hadn't mean to say that much.but the words just spilled out of me, like someone else was controlling my lips. My fists were clenched white against the soft eggshell color of my sheets.  
  
A powerful sadness grew in my chest and spread up, making me choke. When I heard the guilt in my own voice.I just lost it. Dr. Brawling didn't say, "They're just dream..hush up kid." Like I thought she would. "Ponyboy.." her voice trembled the slightest bit.  
  
She took me seriously, no questions. I think maybe she was as tired and sad as me because tears filled her eyes. And believe me Autumn Brawning isn't nicknamed Dr. Ice for nothing. Those tears in her green eyes pushed me over the edge. I began to bawl great heartbreaking sobs of sadness.  
  
"It's my fault." I cried, hiding my face shamefully in my hands.  
  
"It's okay to cry." Dr. B touched my shoulder.  
  
"No, it ain't. Don't lie to me!" I shook my head  
  
"I don't lie." She said firmly, "Trust me. You'll be okay."  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
I figured every move I made tied me tighter to this boy. This troubled teen, was pulling at my heart, making me feel emotions more strongly than I had in years. With a flash of my green eyes I threw away my uncertainty.  
  
"Pony, it's not your fault." I wrapped my arms around him. Strangely I like a mother and her child.  
  
Ponyboy stiffened, the motherly gesture of kindness pushed him further into sadness. He clung to me and cried passionately. I knew I was helping to reawaken the feelings of longing he held tightly within himself. It had been so long since Ponyboy Curtis had had someone like a mother.  
  
He fell asleep hours later in my embrace. Then I slept too, beside Ponyboy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I awoke some time later; Ponyboy's head was resting gently on my lap. Darry was watching my quietly from the doorway.  
  
"What?" I asked, glancing at him, suspiciously.  
  
"He didn't cry out once last night." Silently I felt him add, "while he was in your arms."  
  
I smiled slowly and looked down at Ponyboy proudly.  
  
"Thank you." The words were whispered and quiet but I heard Darryl's voice like a whisper in my ear. I nodded fondly. The handsome guy looked at his little brother tenderly with love in his eyes.  
  
"Somehow, I don't think it's over for him." I didn't want to tell him tat Pony thought he had killed his own parents.  
  
"Oh." Darry looked let down but not astonished.  
  
I stroked Ponyboy's beautiful red hair softly, finding just the tips of the longer strands were bleached blonde. I didn't ponder over it and lifted him gently off my lap and onto the pillow. It was pity, the press didn't see me when I was in this maternal mood.maybe then they wouldn't have nicknamed me the Ice doctor. Ponyboy didn't know I cared for him enough to keep his secret for now..but this boy had my heart.  
  
"You love him a lot don't you?" I inquired, pushing my hair bac and closing the door to Ponyboy's room.  
  
Darry smiled, "Yah, me and Soda, we need him with us." This confession would be hard to make for some people but now Darry. I admired that.  
  
"Will you answer my questions when I need you to?" I asked seriously, matching my green eyes to his blue ones.  
  
"Yes." The answere was short but strong and sure. I knew he meant it.  
  
"Good." I affirmed, "Now catch me when I fall."  
  
Surprisingly Darry did and I fell back wards into his arms, out cold.  
  
Author's note:  
  
Sorry these first few chapters have been kind of short but (yes there is a but ^-^) I'm only making these short because the next few are really long and well my fingers get sore Lol. Butbutbut! I promise they keep getting longer.YAY!!!  
  
Danielle 


	4. Killing the dreams

"Hey sleepyhead." Soda pounded me on the back, "You aiite?"  
  
"Sure am now," I looked around, "Where's Dr. B?"  
  
Soda's eyes were sparkling, "On the couch. Darry carried her there; she's sleeping."  
  
I raised my eyebrows hintingly and wiggled them.  
  
"Dar thinks she only likes you!" Soda grinned widely, "But everybody knows you got the hots for Cherry!"  
  
"Aw, shut yer trap." I punched him lightly.  
  
"I come in here expectin to find my brothers, two tuff greasers.stead I finds 2 gossiping girls in here!" Darry said dryly from the doorway.  
  
"shuttup!" Soda and I chorused, whapping him pillows from my bed.  
  
"It's time for school!" Darry bellowed and grinned at me.  
  
I groaned, but somewhere inside me I missed the normalcy of school and PE.  
  
When I grabbed my stuff and something to eat, Soda volunteered to drop me off.  
  
On my way to the door I spotted Dr. Brawning on the couch. She looked a lot younger when she was asleep. I guess everyone does, she sure was little thought. Dr. B was curled up in a ball and breathing softly like a cat.  
  
"I ain't soft." I told Darry quietly as he caught me pulling a blanket over the woman.  
  
"I know it." My oldest brother laughed, "get on now."  
  
I ran outside to where Soda was starting up the car.  
  
But I knew when I got home I'd have to face my problems once again.  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
When Pony left I whispered without opening my eyes, "That kids a good boy, ain't he?"  
  
"He's sensitive." I heard Darry's response. I popped my eyes open, Darry didn't look the least bit surprised to find I wasn't asleep.  
  
"He had to be strong for all his life." I said, "but he isn't like some of the other kids I've seen. Some of them.."  
  
"They scare you." Darry affirmed. I nodded, he didn't know how much thos hoods terrified me.  
  
My green eyes sparkled with energy, "I think I can help Ponyboy. But I need to know something."  
  
Darry sat down beside me raising his eyebrows, "Anything."  
  
"How did you parents die?" I asked, getting up, not because I didn't like his presence next to me.but because I liked it too much. Work and play never mix. I nudged the widow shades back and morning sunlight filled the room.  
  
"Auto-wreck." Darry told me, "During a thunderstorm."  
  
Pain momentarily flashed in his eyes, and shadows crossed his features with lightening speed.  
  
"There's more to it, isn't there?" I inquired amiably. So far, I saw no need to rush.  
  
Darry mumbled something and stared at his shoes.  
  
"hm?" I pressed him gently, sensing Darry knew something important. The key, perhaps to Pony's vicious dreams.  
  
"The.the day they died, it was Ponyboy who found out last." Darry said, blue eyes lost in memories. This was hard for him to say so I decided not to press him anymore. One of the hardest parts of my occupation is to see the toughest people break down right before your eyes. My parents had died when I was 10. They were my world and when I found them suddenly gone- I was lost. But, despite the pain and suffering I turned out okay.maybe even better than okay. However, there are always secrets lying in the darkness of my heart..secrets that I will share with no one.  
  
Gooseflesh raced up my arms.  
  
Darryl leaned against a white wall, eyes closed.  
  
Why was Pony the last to find out? Why was this fact so important? I didn't understand.  
  
My new friend looked at me,. "Soda and I waited to tell Ponyboy. He was the last to know about our parent's deaths because the night they..-he trailed off and breath deeply.the night that our parents died; it was well.it was Ponyboy's 13th birthday." Darry's voice was soft and halting. I didn't speak, only sat there beside Darry.my heart breaking for Sodapop, Darryl and Ponyboy Curtis. I was thinking how it would feel to have one of the happiest moments in your life turn into one of the most devastating.  
  
Ponyboy's POV (cont.)  
  
Math tests, Lit essays and track practice gave me the comfortable feeling of school life.  
  
My birthday was in a week.pretty soon I'd be 16. That was a lot older than I felt just about now. Dad always said he'd let me drive when I was 16.  
  
No! I pushed the thoughts away and walked home. I heard faint laughter as I opened the screen door and hollered, "I'm home!!"  
  
Soda was wrong about the suspicion that Dr. Brawling only like me. I could tell because she seemed to be getting pretty friendly with my oldest brother in the kitchen.  
  
She was cooking something on he stove that smelled like heaven. Or something close to it at least.lets face it, Darry's a pretty good cook but when you live in a house with only guys who'll eat anything.cooking skills tend to deteriorate. "Hey Ponyboy!" Darry called, grinning like a wild thing. It was the most resemblance I've seen between him and Soda for a long time.  
  
"Hey." I said, slightly confused, "Dr. B?"  
  
"Call me Autumn." Dr. Brawning looked different today. She has her hair down; beautiful tresses of brownish red glimmered in the light.  
  
"Autumn." I admired, testing the word.  
  
"Howbout fall?" Darry inquired with mock seriousness, picking the doctor up with ease.  
  
Autumn squealed and nearly hit him over the head with the spoon she was using to stir the chili, "Let up Darryl Curtis. You hear me? Drop me and you'll be sorry!"  
  
"Oh, will I now?" Darry let loose a wickedly charming smile.  
  
He let her drop for a second then caught her, like one would a small chile. He was that strong.  
  
In fact, they were acting like children. I couldn't only stare, mouth dropping in wonder.  
  
This time Autumn did bonk Darry on the head with her wooking spoon. But the sparkled in her green eyes danced with merry laughter.  
  
When Darry put her down she righted herself and threw one arm around my shoulders, "Now, don't you go taking lessons of life from that wild brother of yours." Autumn pointed to Darry and I nearly balked with laughter. Apparently she didn't know Soda was twice as bad as Darry ever could be. "You know how to treat a woman right."  
  
I stuck my tongue out at Darry where he stood looking slightly amused.  
  
"And here I thought Ponyboy only had it in for Cherry Valance!" Soda's teasing oive rang through the background of noice.  
  
"Whoa there!" Dr. B stepped forward, between us, "lets eat."  
  
And boy, did we. Autumn smiled as proudly as if she'd won the Nobel prize, when she watched up scarf her food. Her cooking was good.  
  
Autumn's POV (cont.)  
  
When Pony and I washed dishes I decided to tell him outright, "Pony you didn't kill your parents."  
  
"What." Pony haled and froze, his hands clenching the dish towel too tightly.  
  
"There was a storm, kid. Not your fault, the roads were wet and slippery that night." I elaborated, watching Ponyboy's face with concern.  
  
"No. These dreams.I used to not know or remember what happened.but now I see all too clearly. I have to get away from them. It's an oman, my parents want me to join them." Ponyboy was scratching at some rice that had been stuck to the pan. Was this innocent boy contemplating suicide? Is that what he meant by joining his parents?  
  
"Ponyboy.how could you think that?" Soda asked from the doorway. He'd been listeing.  
  
"You told him!" Pony accused me with stunning venom.  
  
"I did not." I said, "Soda was just list-  
  
"I trusted you!" He whispered scornfully, "now."  
  
"just hold on a god damn second, Ponyboy. Dr. Brawning here didn't tell me nothing! Now whats got you so exciteable?" Soda stepped into Pony's path, soothing him with a gently tone. He and Pony were closer than Darry and he were. But Darry loved Ponyboy just a much.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it." Pony growled.  
  
"Ok..Pony" Soda looked disappointed, crestfallen even.  
  
"Kid, I think maybe Darry and Soda should know." I said quietly.  
  
Darry came running to the kitchen, "What's going on?"  
  
I looked at Ponyboy, hoping to reassure him.  
  
"I killed mom and pa, aiite?!" was all Ponyboy could say with a vicious glare at me. He sank down into a chair and squeezed his hands until they turned white, and his short nails drew blood from his pals.  
  
"Ponyboy that's not right." Darry looked into his face, shocked.  
  
"You know as well as I do that they died on MY birthday." Pony said, his eyes wide and emotionless.  
  
Soda mouth twitched as he pressed it into a thin line, "It was an accident.." His voice was soft and I wanted Ponyboy to believe his brother with all my heart. But I knew.it would take more hard work to heal Ponyboy Curtis. 


	5. On the mend

Pony's POV  
  
NOOO!! I wanted to scream at them all. But instead I just shook my head and said, "The hell it was" (an accident)  
  
Autumn restrained Darry who looked like he wanted to knick some sense into me. Whatever, it didn't matter.  
  
Soda looked so hurt. And there's nothing in the world worse than hurting Soda so I figured I owed them all an explanation or maybe I could tell them what I planned to do. But..no. Not now, It wasn't the right time.  
  
"I want to go to sleep." I said, standing suddenly.  
  
"Let him go." I heard Dr. B. and Soda tell Darry who wouldn't followed me otherwise. I had a feeling that Soda would make a good child shrink when he grew up. But he liked working on cars with Steve better than kids anyway.  
  
So I showed and heard Dr. Brawning's car leave the house.  
  
Somehow, it was sad seeing her go..but no, it didn't matter. Not to the tough Ponyboy Curtis I had become.  
  
I fell into a deep slumber as soon as my head touch the pillow.  
  
This time the dream wasn't about my parents. Or at least I didn't think so. Dr. Brawling was there and she needed me.  
  
It was raining.just like the night my parents had died, shivers ran up my spine. The good doctor was calling out for me, trying and trying to get to me. Just like in real life, I realized. I reached for her stretching for the woman.but my legs wouldn't move. They were stuck to the floor.  
  
"I'm coming!" I yelled, "I promise.." Then a rumbling noise distracted me. And the wavy clouds began to fog up my vision. Water was coming and it would wash Dr. B away from me, I could feel it in my whole being. I tried my hardest to get to her but I couldn't. I couldn't even see her in the flash of water that took her away from me. She was gone but her screams echoed in my mind, ' "Pony!!"'  
  
"No!!!" I screamed and sat up in bed. I rolled unto Soda who stirred and switched on the light.  
  
"What's wrong?" He looked nervous and sleepy.  
  
"Dr. B., in my dream she drowned." It sounded stupid and babyish coming from me.  
  
Soda tried to look reassuring and failed, "She only left a few hours ago, Ponyboy. She's probably sleeping right now."  
  
And..in a way Soda was right.  
  
The next day after Darry called her office, he looked real worried.  
  
"They said she's not in this morning. But Autumn couldn't be sick thought, she was fine last night.." Darry frowned and hustled me out of the house. On the way to school we barely said a word to eachother-both of us knew something was wrong. And I could sense his still simmering anger.  
  
At school I couldn't concentrate. My teachers were frowning at me but I ignored them. Could I help it if my doctor had gone missing? Wait. Since when was she my doctor?!  
  
Since I began to respect her..that's when.  
  
"ponyboy Curtis." The teacher called my name and handed me a hall pass, "office. Now." Her look clearly said no questions. I packed up my stuff and fled the classroom. Darry waited for me in the office. The gut wrenching feeling of wrongness hit me full on. My brother looked like hell. And maybe if I had looked closer I'd have realized I'd seen the pained look on his face before . When I'd been sent to the hospital after the burning church incident. I'd seen the worried pale look again and again.  
  
"Pony." He dragged me to the car.  
  
"It's Dr. Brawning isn't it?" I asked, dreading the answer. A knot twisted itself in my throat.  
  
Darry nodded sadly, "her car was found just a few miles from our house and Autumn wasn't far from her vehicle."  
  
His hands were clenching the steering wheel so tightly I was afraid he would break it.  
  
"Is she." I couldn't finish, "I mean she couldn't be..she isn't.." All 3 unsuccessful attempts.  
  
"She's hurt real bad, Ponyboy." Darry said. "I found out what I could from the doctors, but tonight I think we should go see her." That was funny, I could've sworn that my brother had taken me out of school strictly to go see Autumn.  
  
"So then where are we going?" I asked, my voice trembling. My brother didn't answer. Darry's car was turning on roads that looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't quite place them. I knew we were heading towards the country, though.  
  
When we approached our destination, my heart thudded in my chest. Grass blew freely in the wind as Darry parked the car.  
  
I was already out the door- dry heaving with sickness. I felt Darry's hand on my back- gently patting.  
  
"It's been a long time, I understand." My brother said, his voice lost in the wind. Grave stones answered him, standing tall in the breeze- descending up and down the hills.  
  
"Welcome to the cemetery." I could almost hear the spirits in my mind, "welcome."  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
blinking lights and beeping machine all around me. A sharp pain in my skill and sharp needles sticking into my arms and legs.  
  
"It's time to go back to sleep, Doctor." Someone muttered not unkindly in the distant fogginess that was the room.  
  
Maybe I would have protested if I didn't feel so tired just then. The blackness closed in around me again, surrounding me until I could see and hear no more.  
  
Pony's POV (cont.)  
  
I fled from Darry, running up the grassy hills that were littered with grave markers.  
  
He chased me but I was faster, "How could you do this to me? Bring me here?" I hollered back.  
  
My brother answered with huffs and puffs. And because I was watching him so intently, I fell. Stumbled, really-over some loose rocks and went down hard.  
  
I turned swiftly, rubbing my aching back. But my blood froze and I couldn't move. The breath came quickly to my chest and I felt like it was being sucked from my body like a vacuum.  
  
"Darryl Curtis Senior" One gravestone read, and I sank to my knees before it. Another read my mother's name, plus "loving mother of three."  
  
When Darry reached me, my breathing was far louder than his.  
  
"I'm sorry!" I said to my mom and dad's grave stones, "I'm so sorry."  
  
Darry sat down next to me and squeezed my shoulder, "They don't blame you, Pony."  
  
"I know." I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, "but..I blame myself." That caused a rumble of disapproval from my brother and I'm sure the spirits of my parents wouldn't have been too happy either.  
  
"It was my 13th birthday and even though mom and pop were at work..I wanted them to get through the storm. To me. I wanted them with me. I.I called them- on the phone." I choked reliving the scene in my mind. Memories hit me like nothing I'd ever felt before.  
  
Blackness in the night sky and my desperate call to my parents. My selfish call.  
  
And for once.I decided to tell someone else about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Dad! Mom!" You can't be stuck at the airport, it's my birthday!" I yelled into the receiver of the phone.  
  
"I know, tiger." Dad had coaxed, "We're trying our best..mom left a cake for you in the fridge."  
  
"I don't wanna eat it." I said defiantly. Silently adding, "without you."  
  
"Listen, we love you. We'll be home as soon as we can." I heard Dad strainging his voice to be heard over the distant thunder. But I was young then..and I couldn't take it. I slammed the phone down and went back to sleep, wallowing in bitterness.  
  
That night police officers came in the darkness to tell us that in the storm my mother and father had passed away. A dreadful accident, ending in death for all.  
  
I think Darry thought I didn't know..Soda too. But I did know, and I blamed myself.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
This time when I told Darry, I didn't cry. But, he did. Tears slipped easily down his cheeks and he held me so tight that I had trouble breathing.  
  
"Don't you think like that anymore, Ponyboy Curtis." He growled urgently, "Mom and Dad loved you and still do. They forgave you long ago."  
  
He rose, patting my cheek with finality, "I'll get the flowers. I left them in the car."  
  
Slowly he walked off, leaving me alone in front of mom and dad. I somehow felt naked and vulnerable in front of them, even if they weren't really there.  
  
For some reason my soul felt lighter, as if everything would be okay now.  
  
I asked the sky, "Have you really forgiven me?" there weren't any swirls or flashed of stars and almighty light..but somehow, I knew my parents were there with me.  
  
The breeze touched my cheek tenderly, carresed my face. They forgave me, I gathered.I swore I could almost hear my mother's lighthearted laugh and my dad's big hand ruffling my hair saying, "Good job, Tiger."  
  
I laughed too, a half choked-half jubilant laugh with tears running freely down my cheeks.  
  
Then Darry returned with the flowers and we left. I left behind in that little cemetery, my grief, my guilt and my pain. My heart felt lighter than it had been in years.  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
Nurses and Doctors were taking my temperature when Soda came into my room. He looked uncomfortable and only just managed to keep the door from slamming behind him.  
  
"Curtis?" I asked, opening my eyes.  
  
Soda froze, "I thought you were resting, Doctor." He sighed, "It's a jungle out there."  
  
I grinned, weakly, protesting, "I am resting!"  
  
He frowned at me, looking more like Darry than ever, "You're sure popular. Reporters have swamped the hospital."  
  
I ignored his comment, "How'd you get in then?"  
  
Soda tapped his head, "By usin' my noggin, course. By the way I'm not your illegtimate love child." With a wink at me he sat down in a corner chair.  
  
I laughed, clutching my side to stop the pain.  
  
"You look like hell." Soda pointed out to me as I ran my hands through my hair.  
  
"Peachy." I rolled my eyes, "Sorry I couldn't exactly brush my hair while I was unconscious."  
  
Sodapop looked sad after that so I assured him I was only kidding.  
  
My sarcasm seemed to convince Curtis that I was fine. And because I was fine he bagan to rain so many questions on me I almost drowned in them.  
  
I held up a hand, stopping him mid-sentence, "Chill, Curtis. I have enough reporters waiting to give me the third degree. Except they are outside and you're in here. Just chill!"  
  
Soda seemed to take this as a threat and he blushed and shut up.  
  
"Now I'll tell you everything in good time, my friend. But now there's something more crucial going on than my pitiful troubles." I waved a hand for emphasis.  
  
Soda frowned on me, seeming to think that I was underestimating my injuries.  
  
This kid really would grow up to be like his older brother someday.  
  
"c'mere and I'll tell you my plan." I whispered to Soda. Sitting up and talking loudly had quickly exhausted me.  
  
Laying back on my hospital white bed, I whispered into Soda's ear my plans for Ponyboy Curtis. 


	6. Tim Shepherd's

~~~~~~~~~~Author's note~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
oOo thank ya'll so much for reviewing me ^-^ it's so nice of you!!! Erm.I'm sorry I don't update very often **bites lip guiltily** heehee Imma work harder now since it's summer vaca!!! Yay!!! Well Uhm I know some of you wanted to know if Two-bit and Steve would be joining the Curtis's soon and the answer is...**drum roll please..**  
  
Eventually  
  
eheh, I know, they're coming in a little later ^_- I promise! Ohohohoho, okie dokie get ready for another long chapter!! (well sorta.)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Pony's POV  
  
It was dark when I entered the hospital with Darry.  
  
"You know.Pony, you don't have to come see me." Dr. Brawning had her eyes closed. I let out a relieved sigh.. she looked okay.  
  
Suddenly she switched off the radio that had been playing classical music. Her eyes shot open and she rose in bed with minor difficulty. Darry helped her sit up, supporting her gently.  
  
Soundlessly she held out one shaking soft white hand, beckoning to me. I took it, held the cool palm to my cheek.  
  
"You're mending, aren't you?" She asked suspiciously, her eyes roaming my face. I was taller than her when she was sitting down like that-all doll like- in that starched hospital bed.  
  
I wanted to tell her I didn't know what she meant- but that would be a lie.  
  
"The bad's gone now, ain't it? Pony.." I realized with horror that there were tears in her voice.  
  
Her eyes were dry but I could feel warmth and pride radiate from her like a sun. Bright and strong.  
  
She was sitting there, her heart crying with happiness for me and all I could do was watch her.  
  
"Oh heavens Curtis. I know what you're thinking." The words were from Dr. B but her tone was gentle and soft, "My accident was what it was: an accident. Don't go blaming yourself and starting this crap all over again"  
  
Did she already know me so well?  
  
Darry was watching me, amusement written plainly on his features. He stared to frown but decided against it. Instead he smiled gently, hooking his thumbs in his pockets. I always knew Autumn brought out the best in my brother. I nodded slowly.  
  
"We're friends, aren't we?" Autumn asked me, sweeping her thick coils of dark hair to the side.  
  
I nodded again, looking down at my shoes. Laughter and impatience danced in Autumn's eyes. It was a funny combination. One I'm sure only she was capable of.  
  
"Well if we're friends then, will you just come here?!" Dr. Brawning growled.  
  
I looked quickly at Darry who shrugged and jerked his head in Dr. Brawning's direction.  
  
What was she up to..?  
  
She tugged at my hand which still held her's, "Don't make me ask you again."  
  
That was enough to scare me into doing whatever she wanted me to so I went up close to her and waited for her to say something.  
  
But she didn't say anything at all. Before I knew it I was locked in her arms. The warm scent of flowers enveloped me. She pressed her forehead to mine and whispered, "You did me proud today Ponyboy. Just go and see what you dream about now." Then she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me close.  
  
I bent over her bed, boy, she really was a small lady when you got down to it. She felt awfully fragile as I whispered back, "Thanks Doc."  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
Ponyboy kissed my cheek and then my forehead. He thanked me and his brothers.then me again. It went on and on.  
  
To my chargrin I lay back and well...fell plumb asleep. I'm sorry to say but I not as strong a used to be. And well I can only have sort stints of this mushiness before I just konk out.  
  
Don't think I'm not an emotional person or anything because I am. Just not everyday.  
  
Then, something happened. Not just any something either. My boyfriend came to visit me. Ok, I'm not saying that I was in love or anything...Tim Shephard is just my boyfriend.  
  
That's right, Tim Shephard.  
  
My eyes snapped open when I heard the door open and shut.  
  
"Hey baby." I felt Tim peck me on the cheek. He smelled like hair grease and motorcycle oil.  
  
"Don't" I turned my face away from him, "You know I don't like that."  
  
Darry, Pony and Soda were absent from the room.  
  
"What landed you in this dump?" He swaggered into the whitewashed room and spotted the flowers that the Curtis's had given me.  
  
"You know right well" I glared at him.  
  
He looked up at m, eyes glowing, "Don't you get all riled up now. There's alotta cameras out there that need to know certain stuff..And the way I see it is, I got sumthin worth tellin'. Like why you're layin there in that bed for instance."  
  
Fear laced my pale features, "Tim, don't."  
  
"I will." He smiled toothily at me, just to taunt me.  
  
"Please. Not my secret. I'm already your girlfriend, what else do you want from me?" I demanded.  
  
He silenced me with a pointed look at my body, covered only by a hospital gown. Instantly I felt naked and pulled the sheet over myself quickly.  
  
"Think about it." The hood said, and was out the door. I ran my hands around the ivory white skin of my stomach then closed my eyes. I tried to mentally protect myself from the danger of Tim Shepherd.  
  
That evening Darry drove me home, to his home, that is.  
  
"Soda said he wanted to see you." Was his only explanation, "seems like he's up to something if you ask me."  
  
I only grinned at him mischievously.  
  
"I wanted to thank you, for what you did for Ponyboy. I don't think he would have ever forgiven himself if it wasn't for you." Darry took my hand and squeezed gently.  
  
I smiled warmly at him, if only tim could've been like Darry: sweet, loving, kind. "It wasn't me." I told him, "I just gave you the cemetery idea. But Pony, he's a sensitive one.It's almost as if he was stronger than he looked, all along."  
  
Darry laughed because he'd been thinking the same thing. Then we were at his house sitting in the drive way. It was quiet outside and the sun was slowly setting.  
  
I felt my heart speed up, my palms began to sweat horribly- the way they did when I was nervous.  
  
Darryl's rested lightly on my back and I laughed into the silence. But nothing was funny..except the awkward silence.  
  
"Let's go in then." I cracked open my door but didn't get out.  
  
"Wait, there's something I want to tell you, Autumn." The man sitting next to me beckoned.  
  
"Hm..?" I asked, turning warily back to face him. His blue eyes were enchanting, drawing me in like a bee to honey.  
  
"I.." He started. But it was if all reason had left him and suddenly he kissed me. On the lips.  
  
For a few seconds, I kissed him back but it was wrong of me to lead him on that way. He was pure and beautifully sweet..and I wanted more...so much more. Captivating and dazzling were his eyes as they filled my vision, threatening to lift me- spirit, heart and soul- away from the earth.  
  
But I didn't myself away. I'm not like a delicate flower that can be pulled lightly from the ground. I'm an oak- strong and firmly rooted to reality.  
  
"This is wrong." I pulled away from Darry, "stop."  
  
He backed off instantly apologizing, "I'm sorry, Autumn. I didn't mean-  
  
"I know. It's...okay." I looked away from him, from his mouth, and climbed out of the car to meet Ponyboy Curtis.  
  
I knew Darry would follow in time. What the hell is wrong with you, Autumn? One part of me growled angrily. He's in love with you and you care for Darry too!  
  
But an image of Tim flashed in my mind, he knew my secret- I couldn't let all go, just like that. No, I would wait...if Darry truly had feelings for me he could wait.  
  
Despite the strong inner monologue I was having me knees shook and I bit my tongue so that I couldn't feel the other pain in my body- So that I couldn't feel the many daggers in my heart.  
  
Pony's POV  
  
I jumped about 5 feet in the air when everyone jumped out at me. When you live in this part of town you don't trust many dark places. In fact, you don't trust much of anything. Which is probably why the only people I could count on were my friends.  
  
"Happy Birthday!" Two-bit, Steve and Soda pounced on me, hollering like wild Indians and blowing those birthday horns at me. Through all the hands pounding and ruffling my hair I managed to make out two shapes in the background.  
  
Autumn was leaning against Darry, smiling serenely and my brother was trying his best to pretend he didn't notice the sweet smell of her hair. Vaguely they reminded me of mom and dad- watching from a distance like that.  
  
Two-bit shoved the cake Autumn had made at me, "You'll get a face full of it if you can't blow 'em all out." The slick talking greaser had a slight drawl in his voice and gestured at the 16 candles.  
  
I grinned.  
  
Darry ruffled my hair, "We made it, Ponyboy." And I smiled, we **had** made it.  
  
"Howcome no one invited me to this party?" Tim Shepherd sauntered in without knocking.  
  
Tim's visits weren't very often so I spun to look at Darry.  
  
"Shepherd." Soda nodded at him, "What d'ya want?"  
  
He looked confused and with a shake of his head he responded, "I'm here fr my broad."  
  
Eyes swirled around to land on Autumn. The doctor was standing slightly in front of Darry. She looked meek and docile..even the sparks in here amber green eyes had faded dully.  
  
"What?" I asked Tim, but he had his gaze focused on Autumn.  
  
"She ain't yours." Darry lips were pressed together in a tight line and there was a dangerous edge to his voice.  
  
"Ain't your's, neither." Tim sclowed at Darry his scarred face darkening.  
  
"You're mine, now aren't you baby?" The hood stepped up to Autumn.  
  
I sat down, puzzled. What would Autumn want to belong to a hood like Tim Shepherd.  
  
She turned away from him as he triend to get his lips on her and I watched her hands tighten themselves around her waist. For once, She hadn't said a word. Tim's hands were wandering over her beautiful body, he chest, her back, her waist....lower.  
  
"Stoppit." She kept her gaze down but anger and sadness echoed in her voice.  
  
But Tim didn't stop, on went his mouth - hungry for her flesh.  
  
The hood sucked on her neck and his voice was heavy with passion when he began, "Don't pretend Autu-  
  
But Tim never finished his sentence. Darry just about knocked Shepherd's block off.  
  
Why didn't Doctor B just push Tim away. She didn't belong to him. I turned away, disgusted.  
  
"Stop!" Autumn's voice rang out while Soda, Steve and Two bit tried to pull the fighting greasers apart.  
  
"Tim, Darry, Stop fighting dammit all!"  
  
tim pushed Soda off him, anger flashing in his eyes. His lip was split and blood coursed from his nose.  
  
Darry face was cold, unreadable and his eyes were two pieces of solid ice.  
  
"Get over here!!" Tim yelled at Autumn so loud she jumped. For a second, the doctor looked at Darry, sorrow in her eyes, "I'm Sorry." she whispered. But she couldn't say any more. Tim grabbed her arms and hauled her from the house. And..the sad thing was.she let him do it. She let him!  
  
Who was Doctor Autumn Brawning? Who was she * really *? 


	7. Autumn's sickness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~note~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thanks so mucho for the reviews. And I realize I'm making out Tim Shepherd as a 'bad guy' but I have a reason!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~Autumn  
  
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Tim jerked me about, hs hand was squeezing my arm too tightly.  
  
It's Ponyboy's.." I said swallowing, "It's his birthday."  
  
"I don't give a damn." Shepherds eyes were fathomless and his nose had stopped bleeding.  
  
Suddenly he was all over me, pushing me down in the grass.  
  
His hands help me tightly, painfully. I hauled away from him, "Tim get the hell offa me!"  
  
Then he slapped me so hard I saw stars. That's when it hit me- Tim Shepherd was drunk. And powered drunk to.like nothing I'd ever seen before. Dangerous drunk.  
  
I fought the urge to panic. His muscles showed through his black shirt. They were muscles gained from fighting.  
  
What a fool I am, I thought. A damn fool to try and run and hide and escape. Don't you realize by now, Dr. Brawning, you can't run from you problems. Not ever.  
  
"Not here." I choked, but Tim's hands were under my shirt and he was on top of me, pinning me underneath his weight.  
  
The smell of sweat and grease and blood nearly made me gag. Water seeped into the back of my shirt from the wet grass, senselessly I hoped I wouldn't get grass stains. Those thing were hard to get out. Then, with a heave of my knee (in just the right place) I made Shepherd scream and jump off me, writhing in pain.  
  
There was my chance and I shot up and started to run away, but Tim caught my shirt and heaved me to the ground once again.  
  
Man, did he recover quick. Just my luck.  
  
I shouted, "Help me! Darry, Pony! Anyon-  
  
But I was cut off by a large land over my mouth. I bit it.  
  
A howl of pain split the silence like a knife. Bit, like I said before, Tim sure does recover quick.  
  
Before I could try again to escape Tim Shepheard had ripped my shirt open which was still wet from the grass.  
  
His hard eyes feasted hungrily on my chest, covered now only with my bra.  
  
His quick breaths made steam in the cool night air.  
  
Sodapop was definitely not an expected savior of mine. But I don't question people who rescue me. It's just one of those unspoken rules.  
  
In any case, Tim went sprawling, his face red where Soda had socked him.  
  
"Curtis!" He roared, rage flashing in his drunken glazed eyes. But like I said, Tim was drunk and his swing at Soda was wild. Which was why Soda went down..and hard.  
  
"Sodapop!" I cried, "oh Gods!"  
  
But unlike Tim, Soda wasn't drunk and he had a quickness unheard of. With a sharp jab to the eyes Tim down on top of Soda and they rolled violently together.  
  
Soda pinned Tim down, setting his weight down on his opponent. I watched Tim's calculating eyes and decided I didn't need someone to protect me.  
  
I stepped up beside Soda and placed my foot lightly, dangerously, on the place 'where the sun don't shine. Tim stiffened.  
  
"I wouldn't move if I was you." I threatened, twitching my sneaker the slightest bit.  
  
"Our deal is over." Tim panted, angrily.  
  
"So be it." I stepped down hard on Target and left him writhing in pain on the sidewalk.  
  
Soda threw me his jacket and with my help to his feet. It was then I remembered my ripped shirt. A blush crept up my pale cheeks as hot as the summer sun.  
  
"You gonna ask me nuthin'?" I looked up at Sodapop.  
  
The greaser shook his head, "You don't owe me non. You saved Ponyboy for us."  
  
I studied my shoes carefully, "He saved himself."  
  
"Never could take a compliment." Soda replied distantly.  
  
But there was disappointment in his golden face.  
  
"You won't tell?" I blurted, stopping mid-pace.  
  
"Nothin to tell." Soda said, glacing back at me curiously.  
  
"I ain't well, kid." A feeling of oldness crept into my voice despite my attempt to keep my tone light. "Tim, he knew weeks ago. But peope, the press can't know about my secret. It would ruin my status as a doctor. All my hard work.." I hugged my stomach tightly against the feeling of loss.  
  
"So Tim blackmailed you." Soda stared up at the night sky, anywhere but my eyes.  
  
"He didn't want me. Just.my body." I sank to the sidewalk in horrific realization.  
  
"He wanted the pride. The world Tim lives in is a death trap. No honor, no fame, not nothing. Not for anybody. Shepherd was looking for a way out." Soda talked like he understood it all. And I didn't doubt him, not for a second.  
  
"The night of my crash. I didn't take my meds." I explained, "I black out at the wheel."  
  
Soda nodded like he had already gessed.  
  
"You won't tell?" I asked hesitantly aware that I had already asked before.  
  
"No." Then Soda walked into his house while I got into my car.  
  
The friendly lights still shone brightly through the steamy windows.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Autumn cont..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Ponyboy!" I hollered loudly, "I know your home! Just open the god damn do-  
  
Suddenly the door swung open wide. Darry stood regally in the doorway.  
  
"door." I finished, blushing until I was sure my face was hot enough to fry eggs on.  
  
Darry hadn't said a word.  
  
"Sorry." I stared at my shoes. Darry looked pretty mad, but that didn't matter, right? Today was a new day and I was going somewhere else. No, it didn't matter at all.  
  
"Will you give this to Soda?" I handed his the jacket I'd borrowed from his brother last night, "thanks."  
  
Darry nodded slightly and disappeared. I wondered distantly if he'd become mute overnight.  
  
~Pony  
  
"Get lost." I told doctor Brawning from the hall.  
  
"Pony.I wanted to." She looked down at me with amer eyes.  
  
"He loved you." Pony turned his back sadly, "I loved you. And you abandoned us both."  
  
The doctor had her hands over her mouth and she breathed in sharply.  
  
I looked scathingly at her once last time-long enough to see her shocked face- and then slammed the door.  
  
I turned the corner and sank down to the carpet, my back against the white wall, and buried my face in my arms.  
  
Shouting form my brother vaguely reached my ears. I had never heard them fight for passionately before. Usually it was only Darry and I who yelled.  
  
"What the hell is this about?!" Darry asked, clearly gesturing to something I couldn't see.  
  
"Calm down Dar. We didn't do nothing like that .Nothing." Soda's voice was gently and calming.  
  
But Darry didn't want to be calmed, "My ass, you didn't. Why does she ave your jacket then?" Darry came out into the hall and spotted me.  
  
"I-I can't tell you." Soda said quietly, "I promised I wouldn't."  
  
Darry just shook his head at Soda's words, apparently in disbelief. He was Jelouse, I realized. Darry thought Soda had well..*had* Doctor Brawning.  
  
Sure, it wasn't impossible. Sodapop would be appealing to any woman.at any age and Autumn was young and pretty.  
  
But that wasn't the only thing I realized.  
  
Darry still loved Dr. Autumn Brawning, with all his heart and soul.  
  
What had I done? Turned her away, that's what.  
  
Quick as lightening I fled the room, chasing Dr. B. 


	8. An eye for an eye

~ Pony  
  
"Curtis!" A voice called me, but I didn't stop running.  
  
"PONYBOY!" I froze, knowing now who called me and not liking it one bit.  
  
"Hey." I nodded at Curly Shepherd as he jogged to reach me, "Didn't hear you there."  
  
"Like hell." Curly ran up beside me, panting, "Where you going so fast, Curtis?"  
  
I hesitated on telling Curly my task but figured it couldn't hurt, "Goin to see a doctor. What's it to you Shepherd?"  
  
"You goin for that crazy head of your's?" With the cool look I gave him Curly shut up real fast.  
  
"What d'ya want?" I asked, my feet on fire to leave.  
  
"Did you know that Doctor of your was going with Tim?" Curly flexed the muscles in his arms. A rather annoying habbit of his.  
  
"Yah." I affirmed, thinking back to last night and sighing.  
  
"Know that you won't find 'er wherever you're looking for her?"  
  
I spun on him, "Why's that?"  
  
"Tim told some reporters her dirty little secret. She ain't free now, she's hunted." Curly beamed, "Tim's famous."  
  
I barely managed to restrain from knocking that proud little smirk off of his face.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" I asked, my voice strained behind gritted teeth and clenching fists.  
  
An unnaturally cool breeze blew suddenly and I shivered. Sickness was not unknown to me. I had been sick real bad before..but something I'd noticed before was tugging at the back of my brain.  
  
Autumn wasn't really as tough as she acted. But there wasn't a disease in the whole world that could hurt her! Was there?  
  
I shifted my gaze to Curly's hard eyes, so much like his brother.  
  
"Didn't you know?" Curly laughed, "Doctor Autumn Brawning has Leukemia."  
  
A panic so strong I shook circled my body- it all became clear in that moment. That's why she was so skinny and small. That's why she was so bitter about life and hated the behavior of those who thought they could just throw their's away so easily.  
  
Their lives, I mean. I was the perfect example..when I told her I wanted to join my parents in the grave.  
  
That's why she taught me to be grateful for life. That's why.  
  
Somehow during my revelations Curly seemed to be having the time of his life.  
  
Suddenly I was furious at Curly, at Tim, at Autumn.. but mostly at myself.  
  
I grabbed Curly's shirt front roughly right below the collar and pulled his down to me- at eye level. Surprisingly he didn't struggle against my hold..  
  
"You listen and you listen good, Shepherd." I said real threateningly, applying slight pressure to his collar bone, "Tell me Where Doctor B. is, and you tell me straight or you ain't gonna see the light o'tommora" Now I'm not one to make threats but really, enough was enough. I don't stand for other people taking pleasure in the pain of others.  
  
Curly pulled my fingers off him slowly, "That's why I'm freaking here, Curtis." He began to walk away slowly , "Autumn's at her office, clearing out. Get there in time and maybe you can stop her before the press get to her and rip her apart..and not just physically either."  
  
I called after his fading figure, "Why'd you tell me this?"  
  
"Tim told the press..But Dr. Brawning helped my out once. I owe her favor." Then he was gone, blending into a dark alley where he disappeared.  
  
"What's up with the drama these days!?" I cried, thinking back to the door slamming and yelling back at my house. It was hard to believe yesterday had been one of the happiest days in my life.  
  
I sprinted back to the house, wishing I hadn't cut track practice the past week.  
  
My brothers weren't outside and I was too out of breath to shout for them so I burst inside- sweating like the dickens.  
  
Darry didn't look up from yesterday's paper. His lips were pressed into a thin line and he stared blankly at the newspaper in front of him.  
  
"We have to go! Dr. Brawning's leavin' and we gotta stop her!" My heart was pounding a thousand miles an hour and I could barely move my lips fast enough to keep up with my spinning brain.  
  
"Please!" I begged Darry who sat silently as if frozen. A muscle in his jaw twitched.  
  
"Pony, Autumn can do whatever the hell she wants. And anyone for that matter.-he glanced at Sodapop- It doesn't matter to me anymore." His voice was cold as ice and emotionless. His expression was carefully blank.  
  
I nearly sobbed with impatience.  
  
"Soda!" I called desperately to my other brother, "Will you help me out here?" We need to get Darry to Dr. Brawning."  
  
Soda turned to face me sadly, his eyes rimmed with red. "There ain't nuthin I can do now, Pony."  
  
In an instant I knew what had happened. How could I have been such an idiot?!  
  
Soda knew! Of course he knew Dr. Brawning was sick and wouldn't tell Darry. He wouldn't betray her trust for anything. So Darry, having given Sodapop his jecket got the wrong idea about Autumn and Sodapop.  
  
Now he was jealous and blaming Soda. Apparently he was still mad as hell too.  
  
I squeezed the back of Soda's neck gently. My brother was like Johnny in some ways. He didn't hate it when one of the gang was mad at him.but we got mad at Soda so rarely that he'd never really gotten used to the fact that people got mad all the time. In my case, I didn't see how anyone could ever be mad at Soda at all.  
  
Well, Soda might've promised Autumn not to tell Darry but I sure hadn't.  
  
"Dr. B's sick, Dar." I said.  
  
Slowly my oldest brother put his paper down, "What"  
  
"I said she ain't well. I don't know why she ne'er told one one but she's leaving now."  
  
Darry's mind was as quick as min, "She okay?"  
  
| "Press sure ain't gonna be kind to her." I said, but Darry was already up and moving.  
  
Soda stared and shot me a grateful/hurt look. I pulled him up and we rushed to the door.  
  
"Sorry pepsi-cola" Darry ruffled Soda's hair, "I should've known you wouldn't do anything like that...but you see-  
  
"You love her." Soda added helpfully.  
  
"Yah, I guess I do."  
  
Then we were off to the clinic.  
  
~Autumn  
  
I yanked my blinds shut, turned the classical music u so I couldn't hear the 'click' of camera shutters outside of my window.  
  
How had the press found out so fast?  
  
Then a thought struck me. "Tim, that cheap skate!." Except I didn't say cheapskate.  
  
Fear raced up my spine, how much did Tim know about me anyway?  
  
My bag of odds and ends sat forlornly at my feet and my boss had given me a final pay check as the clock struck the noontime hour. The shouting grew louder when I was caught in view on the cameras. The glass door seemed to magnify my very worst feeling.my nervousness..my fear.  
  
Vaguely I registered the familiar humm of a car but my thoughts were interrupted by a loud crash.and then a rock hurtling dangerously close to my face.  
  
To the satisfaction of whoever threw the rock.and the press, (who could very likely be the same people) I screamed in fear. It wasn't something I could control but when you're faced with a crowd that size..terror just seems to sneak up on you.  
  
Bright flashes of film caught me full in the face, trying to capture the look of horror I'm sure was plastered on my betraying features.  
  
Some paparazzi was even audacious enough to yell, "Look this way Autumn, doll. Don't be shy now!"  
  
I would have been extremely angry if I wasn't so upset right then.  
  
People surrounded me from all sides. Some looking nervous and sad- but most looking mean and angry. One woman held a sign saying, 'an eye for an eye!'.  
  
Tim had told them everything. 


	9. ex Doctor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sorry this ch. Took a long time, and thanks for reviewing me everyone!!!  
  
I'll take all your comments and suggestions to heart! ^_^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A rather polite camera man asked me to lift up my skirt because he'd always wanted to see what the draws of a wanted criminal looked like. I was so stressed I very nearly knocked his block off- skirt or no.  
  
A strong voice suddenly stopped me in my tracks, "chill." Darry caught my arm and held me in place. I could've broken free if I had wanted to but it seemed Darryl Curtis jr. had me under his spell. I was enchanted and just feeling his secure touch on my upper arm made me want more.  
  
I choked on a sob in response to his words.  
  
"Doctor?" Pony smiled down at me, his gray-green eyes were relieved and I patted his cheek softly.  
  
"Lets just get outta here, this is crazy man!" I heard Soda shout from somewhere in front of us. Then I let Darry half carry me away.  
  
Soda stood out in front of us, pushing the reporters and cameras away with frosty looks and not-too-kind jabs. Mostly I think he absorbed some of the attention from me, with his good looks and all. The press always loved the good -looking ones.  
  
Only when we were safely inside the Curtis house did I relax, "Thank you." My voice shook and I stamped my foot impatiently.  
  
Darry brought me strong black coffee and I gulped it down, feeling the burning in my throat. I hoped to high heaven he couldn't hear my heart hammering in my chest.  
  
Comfortingly Darry wrapped his arm around my shoulders, rubbing my back lightly.  
  
It wasn't the cameramen that had made me upset.no. It was the people screaming hatefully at me. Awful words that stung my ears and jerked my heart around in my chest. Their glares had burned my skin like acid rain.  
  
Soda caught my attention from his place at the table, "I think you should explain, Doc?"  
  
"I think you all should do the same. I mean how did you know?"  
  
"Curly." Pony nodded, "helped us out."  
  
The weirdest look passed over my face then, and I stayed silent.  
  
"I just don't see it.." Ponyboy looked at me curiously.  
  
"hm?"  
  
"How does you having leukemia hurt your reputation? I mean you're obviously in remission." Ponyboy said.  
  
I laughed harshly. It was a bitter laugh that was more loud and pain filled than anything else. It sounded awful and cruel, even to my own ears so I tried to stop. I couldn't. I went on to laugh until I cried.  
  
Darry tightened his hold on my body. I rested my head lightly on his broad shoulder, praying I didn't look as terrible as I felt.  
  
"That's not it at all." I said in a hushed dry voice, "look." I plopped in front of the T.V. The news was on.  
  
"Whaaaat?" Pony, Soda and Darry asked simultaneously.  
  
"watch.and understand." I told them sternly, my gaze never leaving the Darry face. Would he hate me after he knew?  
  
An older man was struggling to be heard in front of the screaming people behind him. I turned up the volume.  
  
"This is Daniel Young reporting for the ch. 5 news. Here I am standing outside the biggest riot in the history of Tulsa, Oklahoma. It appears to be about a young doctor, Autumn Brawning who, after only one operation, quit her job at Lebrea Hospital. But why the screaming? Lets find out." The man's slivery hair flew about as a woman grabbed the microphone from his hand.  
  
"She killed my brother, and him the sweetest being to walk on this earth. She should pay! Bitch, you hear me?! You are gonna pay.in blood!" The woman spoke with a slight Spanish accent and rage flashed in her hard black eyes.  
  
And I remembered those eyes, shining with tears of grief when I told her that William hadn't survived the operation. Daniel Young finally managed to regain the microphone, "I've just received information that Dr. Brawning is staying at the house of a certain Ponyboy Curtis-  
  
Darry slammed the T.V. off. Soda was already shutting the windows and closing the blinds.  
  
Two-bit and Steve bounded in through the front door, closing and locking it behind them for the first time.  
  
"Ponyboy!" An unconcerned Two-bit jumped on his friend, "Your name was on T.V., man!"  
  
Pony looked less than excited and rather pale, "aw, shoot. It don't mean nothin' except they know where Autumn is now."  
  
"What was that about you killin a William?" Steve asked, using my habit of getting straight to the point.  
  
"Not much to it. William went in to remove a tumor. I was the doctor performing the surgery, yes. But did I murder him, not in cold blood. No." My voice was filled with passion and desperation.  
  
I felt cold, suddenly, almost feverish and chilled at the same time.  
  
Darry noticed and led me to his room, "rest."  
  
I didn't need to be asked twice. The day had been long and with my fear went my energy and adrenaline. I felt barren and empty.  
  
"Wake me if something changes!" I told him, stretching out on his bed.  
  
"Sure." Darry assured me, but I knew he wouldn't.  
  
Inwardly, I shrugged, too tired to think anymore.  
  
William was dead. Darry was alive, that was all I needed to know. 


	10. someone named Johnny

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thanks for the reviews!~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Pony's POV  
  
"And I thought chivalry was dead." Two bit commented dryly from where he sat, feet on the table.  
  
Darry blushed and mumbled some response. I grinned at my older brother, that was the first time I'd ever seen him go red in the ears. I remember dad had blushed like that too, I guess it ran in the family.  
  
"EY Superman! She your girlfriend yet?" Steve ran a hand through his hair and scooted by Two Bit's legs to make himself comfortable next to me.  
  
It wasn't Darry's words that told me something terribly romantic had happened between Autumn and Darry.it was Darry's actions.  
  
He was visibly unnerved by the question, though he tried hard to hid it.  
  
Soda, of course, noticed too and let out a hoot of laughter. Steve jiggled my elbow and waved his strong arm in the air, "Darry! Darry! Darry!"  
  
"Now, you all, hush!" Darry tried to calm the cheering.  
  
Two Bit cracked a grin a mile wide and whispered loudly, "SO how far have you gotten?" The greaser's lips twitched with laughter and his eyes danced.  
  
"What?!" Darry and I both asked incredulously.  
  
Two Bit was apparently finding Autumn's relationship with Darry very amusing. And for the second time in a minute I got to see my brother blush.  
  
"I mean, we're talking, what? 1st base? Maybe 2nd?" Two Bit peered at Darry comically, like the fuzz would. Looking down his nose at the other greaser.  
  
Soda stood, I thought he would protest but my other brother only added, "Don't tell me you've gone home!!"  
  
Okay, this was getting a little too (for lack of a better word) disgusting for me. I've been in on a few bull sessions before, but never one about Darry and my doctor.  
  
For once I was grateful for Steve's god almighty attitude, "Aren't you a little young for this kind of thing, Ponyboy?"  
  
I shrugged, not sure whether I wanted other people to think I was too young.  
  
"I mean you're only a kid, you dig?"  
  
Darry took a break from trying to explain to Soda that 'No he hadn't gone 'home'', to order me to check up on Autumn.  
  
It was times like these that I missed Johnny most. Times when I felt like I was so separated in age from the gang that I could've been 6 instead of 16.  
  
Sighing I left the room while Soda continued his 3rd degree on Darry's quickly developing love life.  
  
A soft light penetrated the darkness in Darry's room. It was still early.and birds sang outside like an unseemly chorus.  
  
So my doctor had accidentally killed a man. SO what if he happened to have a lot of friends who wanted her neck right now?  
  
Autumn faintly reminded me of an angel, with her hair all around her like that. Her Amber eyes were shut tightly against the daylight. Darry had fallen for the right woman.  
  
Dr. B's head rested light on the pillows and I turned to leave but she stirred slight, moving unrestfully in her sleep.  
  
"William.." It was a slight murmur but I heard it, none the less.It wasn't the fact that she was talking in her sleep that bothered me- it was, that she hadn't spoken William's name with sadness or hatred or even fear..She had whispered "Willima" with so much.passion and tenderness and * love* that I turned at stared.  
  
"Oh my goodness, Will." Her voice was so different, somehow younger and filled with longing and heart breaking emotion that I was curios to know Autumn's and Will's real relationship.  
  
Besides, I'd never even heard Dr. B say "Oh my goodness." In that girly sing-song way. It was just like Will'd just told he'd become a saint or he'd grown a third eye or something.  
  
"Beautiful, Isn't she?" A voice behind me spoke. I froze.  
  
This wasn't a voice I recognized. Not Dary's stern vocals, or Two Bit's lazy drawl, or Steve's reckless tone..or even Soda's playful smiling pitch.  
  
No, this voice was as silky and smooth as butter.  
  
"Hey.kid" The rich voice chimed again.  
  
I spun around to meet him and jumped back suddenly. The man stood almost behind me.  
  
"Who are you?!" I yelped, aware Darry couldn't hear me over Two Bit's cackling from the other room.  
  
"You mean Summer never told you about me?" The man asked, shaking his head in amusement.  
  
"Why are you in my house?!" I asked fiercely. Who was Sumer?  
  
"The door was unlocked" He shrugged, "I locked it up after I came in thought. Wouldn't want in suspicious character coming in here now would you?"  
  
"What? Who are you? And who's Summer?" I asked loudly, capturing his eyes with mine.  
  
"I'm John" I winced at the name, but John didn't notice. John might've been finely dressed and cunning but he would never live up to Johnny's name.  
  
"And she." John pointed to Dr. B., "Is Summer. Ironic, isn't it, that she changed her name to Autumn. She must like the seasons..though Winter would've been more appropriate- considering her eyes were always cold- but  
  
I interrupted coldly, "Get out."  
  
John looked startled but not as startled at Autumn/ Summer looked with her eyes shot open.  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
"Ponyboy?" I groaned, blinking. I'd been having the most wonderful dream. Though, I couldn't really remember it now.  
  
"What's wrong kid?" I asked slowly, "Not another nightma-  
  
William, my William, stood beside Ponyboy. The same auburn hair and strong build.his knowing smile.  
  
His ghost was back to haunt me. "Hello, Summer."  
  
"Will! I've missed you." The words sprang from my lips like tears from my eyes.  
  
The man breathed in sharple, "I'm not William, Summer. It's John."  
  
Recognition flashed in my eyes and I pressed my hands to my throat, trying to stop the sadness and disappointment welling there.  
  
"My, you've grown." I didn't know how to treat little Johnny who looked now so much like his older brother.  
  
Ponyboy was instantly by my side, "Who is this?"  
  
"William's brother." I rose slowly and pushed my hair back.  
  
"I've missed you Summer! But why are you here? Did you know everyone's been searching for you for a long time?" John reached out and embraced me-a little too tightly if you ask me.  
  
"It's Autumn now." I said.  
  
This next thing I knew his tongue was down my throat so far he could touch my tonsils. Now I've had enough of guys forcing themselves on me to last for a lifetime.  
  
"Gerroff me!" I pushed John away and slapped him, "You're no better than Tim!"  
  
Ponyboy looked terrified and in a few seconds I could see why. Darry stood in the doorway, eyes sparking angrily. 


	11. Accusations

A/n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
ohohohoho I'm going to finish this story in two chappies even if I have to type all night long with my eyes closed. I will! I will! Okay I know this fic is getting rather long so here's a summary:  
  
Basically Pony is having nightmares and they're making his behavior self destructive (i.e. hand biting, suicidal thoughts) and Darry takes him to a psychiatrist to help him out. The doctor is a lady by the name of Autumn Brawning who unfortunately has a shady past of her own. She helps Pony realize that the reason for his nightmares is that he blames himself for his parent's deaths. But the trouble isn't over. Darry is falling in love with Dr. Brawning and vice versa but Dr. B is going out with Tim Shepherd. Tim knows of her secret past and tells the press when she dumps him. Dr. B is bombarded by the press because of her secretive past: she's been accused of murdering William (her ex). Fortunately Darry rescues her. However the trouble still isn't over. Autumn wakes up to find that she has a visitor. William's brother and sister are back to help..and to harm her.  
  
woah that was a long note....Also thanks to everyone that reviewed, sorry it took me so long to write! P.s. spelling errors run rampant  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ch.11~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
"Good man, that greaser Tim Shepherd" John was saying, "He's the one that led us to your whereabouts, he did!" As old as he was, John's bubble- headedness hadn't faded, not even a little bit.  
  
Darry grabbed him by the back of his shirt, lifting the other man off the ground. Dragging him like a puppy, Darry threw Johnny out the door.  
  
Ponboy's POV  
  
Autumn disappeared after that. She closed her eyes and asked to be left alone.  
  
I found Darry on the patch of ground outside, that passed as our back yard.  
  
I had only one question as I followed his gaze towards the horizon, "Is she worth it?"  
  
A silence passed between us long enough to make me think he hadn't heard me.  
  
My red hair fell into my eyes and I blinked. When I looked again Darry's head was sloped into his hands.  
  
"I can't fight someone that's dead, Pony. I just can't."  
  
Defeat didn't suit my brother well at all.  
  
"No. You can't give up just like that. Summer...er.. Autumn or whatever! She needs you. She loves you."  
  
"I can't do this anymore. ." Darry rubbed his eyes and looked at the setting sun. It wasn't so beautiful tonight.  
  
"It's so hard for her. Don't make it harder," the words fell from my lips before I could stop them. They sounded like a threat, even to me. I waited for Darry to box my ears, glare at me...at least do something.  
  
But Darry just turned to glance at me, he might have been curious, I really couldn't tell.  
  
"She thinks she killed the man he truly loved. I don't envy her. . . Autumn will die if she goes out there." I cast my gaze to outside the protection of our doors.  
  
An orange glow lit my brother's face as the sun slowly set, lines of sadness etched his tired features. No, the sadness wasn't for himself, never for himself.  
  
Always... it was always for me or for Soda...or Autumn. It was just as the disappointed form of my brother retired to the house that I remembered.  
  
It was the last day of Autumn.  
  
The chill of a sudden winter breeze made me shiver with grief. Later, it didn't come as a surprise that when Darry searched for Autumn, she was gone.  
  
~~Autumn's POV~  
  
I tried to leave a note for Darry, I really did. But my tears wouldn't stop...and I let Johnny lead me away.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~pt 2  
  
The world was gray after that. After I left the Curtis's. It felt like the press tore me apart at every turn. They twisted my words until I sounded like a bloodthirsty maniac.  
  
In an upcoming press conference I would have my say.  
  
These people had to understand that I didn't mean to harm him...to kill him.  
  
Pony's POV  
  
From afar we watched Autumn be destroyed. I was surprised she didn't go into hiding again or something.  
  
Today was the day of her press conference and I switched on the T.V. like it was judgment day.  
  
Funny, isn't it? That I should care so much about a woman whom I wasn't romantically attached to. And care so deeply about her that I felt as if my soul was being torn up like hers was when I watched her hide her tears from the cameras. The doctor had touched our lives, it didn't matter how long we'd known her; we loved her.  
  
Silently, Steve, Soda, and Two-bit gathered around me. Darry was missing; he just couldn't stand to think about her anymore.  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
John stood at my side, but I might as well have been standing alone.  
  
The crowds of people gathered around me like never before, I couldn't believe that William had had this many friends, all of whom wanted to see me publicly humiliated.  
  
There were cameras flashing and people screaming with John and William's sister at the head of the crowd. Their anger terrified me, stealing the breath from my body and freezing me in my tracks. I could see the hatred in their eyes, a certain mob mentality; it was all I could do to not turn on my heels and run.  
  
I closed my eyes took three slow deep breaths. With calamity I did not feel, I turned to face the crowd. The reporters, the cameras, the people-my past.  
  
"Why did you do it? Why did you kill him?" The woman was shouting at me. Now, clearly I hadn't killed him. I was a doctor; they had no right to make that accusation.  
  
I mean c'mon, what was this, a trial? And not one person stood up for me. I didn't wonder why, I'd abandoned my only friends.  
  
"I-I didn't kill William...He just didn't survive the operation I.." I stammered until the woman interrupted me.  
  
"Oh there was never a doubt you weren't experienced enough to perform the surgery. Why William requested you; his biggest rival to perform the surgery is a mystery. Why would he trust you?"  
  
"His case was complicated. It would have been risky even for a very experienced doctor." Johnny finally said, placing a patronizing hand on my shoulder.  
  
"You and Will couldn't stand each other. You meant to kill him and when he gave you the chance, you took his life." The woman raged at me. I found her almost unreal. Like this situation couldn't possibly be happening.  
  
The crowd surged forward and a small ring of policemen held them back.  
  
I waited nervously for someone to break out a fire hose or something.  
  
"No!" I cried, "I would never!"  
  
All these people lived in the past. They heard not my voice. They only heard the damnation that they wanted to. I would make them see.  
  
They had to know. About our love. About our passion. About our child.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
UGH. I know this is a sucky chapter. . . Soddy soddy! I will update soon to just finish the story! I know it's bad, but please don't be too mean... 


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